Honey Plushies
by auroramcchickenatmcdonalds
Summary: The host club has begun marketing Honey plushies... but is that all Kyouya has up his sleeve? Slashy slash slash. Now with a  hopefully acceptable  sequel!
1. Honey Plushies

It was a lovely Monday afternoon at the host club. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and Kyouya Ootori was making money.

They were launching their newest host club merchandise. Everybody thought the smallest host club member and secret martial arts genius, senior student Mitsukuni Haninozuka, was adorable, yes? Kyouya had decided to capitalize on this by making plushies of him. Secret photo books were getting risky, after all. He'd never forget about the time the Hitachiins caught his camera crew on their property (shudder). They had needed some serious therapy, and one had changed his name and moved to Brazil in the off chance they found him again.

Luckily, Honey was a million percent on board with this idea, and Kyouya had contacts (read: blackmail material) with/on people in the toy-making business. They were going for ¥1000 a pop, and they had sold at least 100 so far.

The other club members were mixed on their opinions of this latest venture. Haruhi thought it was rather creepy, honestly. Tamaki was theatrically exclaiming how great they were, while the other club members pretended to be deaf. Hikaru and Kaoru were wondering why the price was so low, and this started a debate on how many sweat shops they thought Kyouya owned. Honey just loved them, and insisted that it was Usa-chan's day off so that he could carry around one of the plushies. The effect was simultaneously adorable and disturbing. Usa-chan sat alone, almost looking sad, while Mori read a book, seemingly unaware that any of this was happening.

Eventually, it was time to close down for the day. The customers went home, and the club members arranged rides, as usual. However, Kyouya was curiously absent from this state of affairs.

Kyouya was in the back room with his latest idea, one that could never, ever, _ever _be released. The required parties would never give their consent. It was a male mannequin-looking thing, about 75 inches tall, wearing the male Ouran uniform and a cheap black wig, the cheapest thing Kyouya had ever even seen in his 16 years of living. It had a badly painted on face, with friendly brown eyes and a hastily cut hole for a mouth, but it was a prototype, so it was allowed to suck. However, when it was fully clothed, you would never guess that it was, well, anatomically correct.

Anyone who ever saw this thing would immediately notice that it bore a strong resemblance to senior student, kendo master and all-around nice guy Takashi Morinozuka.

Kyouya studied his brain child/ lust object for a few minutes until he heard footsteps coming down the hall. There was a mumble going along with it; apparently the person in question had forgotten their bag. The steps stopped right in front of the door, and Kyouya knew he was fucked.

The door opened, and Kyouya decided to do to the mannequin as he sometimes wished he could do to Tamaki: shove it to the floor and pretend it didn't exist. There was a clatter, the wig went askew, and the doll looked offended. Unluckily for all parties involved, the last person Kyouya wanted to see at this moment stepped through the door.

"Have you seen my bag, Kyou- Is that me?"

* * *

><p>Well, that was... something. I'm sorry if that offended any sensibilities that could potentially exist.<p>

I know it's not perfect, but I just had to write it after watching the commentary on episode 4, where J. Michael Tatum suggests that they (Funimation) market Honey plushies... and Mori blowup dolls. Honey plushies do exist, but the blowup dolls will never happen, seeing as Bisco Hatori would never sign off on that. I'm not her, by the way. (That's my disclaimer.)

Also, if anyone ever reviews this: what book do you think Mori was reading? Is he a classics guy, or modern? Does he like romance, sci-fi, or something else? And: spot the Haruhi Suzumiya reference!

Brazil has the largest Japanese population outside of Japan, especially in Sao Paolo, so that's why I picked it. The twins will never find that guy there... I made Kyouya 16 because November is a late birthday in the Japanese school year, and I can see this taking place in July or August, so his 17th wouldn't have come yet.

I'm thinking of doing another chapter where it gets more slashy. Is that a good idea? Or should I just give up on this POS?

Anyway, thanks for reading, and I am so sorry.


	2. Mori Blowup Dolls

Mori was creeped out by this turn of events, but he was also confused. Why would Kyouya have such a thing? Did he like him in a romantic sense? He knew he needed to get to the bottom of things, and he figured his most pressing question was as good a place to start as any.

"What is that thing? It looks like the love child of Chucky and the doll from Lars and the Real Girl." He actually knew exactly what it was, but he wanted to hear Kyouya say it.

"What are you talking about?" Kyouya was still pretending he couldn't see the mannequin. He was hoping that the floor could swallow him whole, or something equally distracting, in order to save him from his humiliation.

"Don't give me that. I'm talking about the giant mannequin on the floor that looks just like me. You know the one."

Wow… Kyouya didn't think he had ever heard Mori talk this much, and who knew he could be so sarcastic?

"Okay, since you're not answering, I'll move on. Why do you have this thing? Do you like me or something?" _God, I hope so... He's cute, but the oblivious act is starting to get on my nerves..._

"Of course I like you. You're a valuable member-"

"You know that's not what I mean. Now answer the question." Mori looked as expressionless as ever, but he was starting to sound rather agitated. It was a very strange contrast, and Kyouya hoped he never had to see anything like it again in his life.

"Okay, fine. I'll spill. I was hoping you would never find out about this. I've been captivated by you for a while. Who do you think gave Tamaki the idea to recruit you and Honey in the first place? I'll just say it wasn't his idea.

"I don't like feeling this way. It's tough feeling this way about someone who doesn't seem to notice anyone at all. It's so humiliating."

Mori's eyes widened at this, but the rest of his face remained stony. After what seemed like a million years of silence, he rumbled a response.

"You should have told me. You shouldn't have to resort to a plastic model to get attention from the person you like. Even if I was to reject you, I wouldn't be a jerk about it."

Kyouya had been starting to think more positively, but this last statement completely killed it for him. "I'm sorry. I'm going to go. Let's just pretend this never happened." He started to turn away, but Mori stopped him.

"Where are you going? I'm not rejecting you, quite the opposite, actually. I may not have anything like this, but I do have some feelings for you, too. For some reason, I like it when you go into Shadow King mode. One time afterwards, the image of you riding me wearing only your glasses and your tie just would not leave my head."

"Hmmm… that sounds interesting. Your birthday was a couple months ago, so when should we do that?" Kyouya was smirking now, and his glasses were shining, creating a strange effect.

"Don't you find it strange that we're talking about sex when we haven't even kissed?"

Kyouya pecked him on the lips, rectifying the situation. "There, now we have."

Mori was frozen to his spot, shocked that Kyouya could be that bold. He didn't even notice when he moved in for another…

Five minutes later, they had just introduced tongue into the mix. Suddenly, the door opened.

"Ah, it's been a long day. I'm gonna sleep with my dying will!" There was a crash. Renge Hoshakuji fell to the ground, drooling and nose bleeding like any yaoi fangirl worth her salt.

* * *

><p>Oh God, I actually did it. I actually updated this thing. I hope it's not too horrible. I sort of based part 2 on this doujin I found. It's actually an IchiIshi (as in Bleach) with the same concept, except the doll is a hollow, there's more buildup, and they have sex at the end. I think poor Renge would have a heart attack. I'm so nice to yaoi fangirls in the last sentence... *laughs*<p>

For anyone who's wondering, Mori's talking habits here are based on my own. I'm usually about as talkative as he is, but if I'm talking to a friend, then I talk more, and I can be very sarcastic.

Who knew that Mori was familiar with American movies? I guess I was trying to show how creepy this thing really is. I'm terrified of things like that anyway, but not everyone is, hence the "Chucky."

Renge is included because last chapter, I said that it was Tatum who said the "Honey plushies and Mori blowup dolls" line, but it was actually Monica Rial, so I added Renge in as a sort of apology. (To be fair, he said, "Come on. Everyone would buy one," and Rial jokingly claimed he would be first in line.) They're in her bedroom, by the way. We never learn where she's staying while in Japan, so I'm saying that she's living in the school. And of course, she's making an anime reference, and I guess you could say the last sentence holds one, too. (Hint: I've written fics for them, too & "Yes, my lord.")

By the way, Kyouya has never used his Mori doll for sexual purposes (especially him penetrating it, because he's scared that if he tries he won't have anything to penetrate it with anymore), but the doll is why they seem to be moving so fast. I was just looking at the Realdoll website, and besides being scared (not just of the dolls, but of the users) I learned that the males only come in one height (5'9", i.e. much shorter than Mori) and they don't have visible open mouths. You can even get elf ears! Don't look unless you're over 18 and you aren't freaked out by dolls. They're also 6,000 US dollars, but the people who use them seem to be happy with them, so I guess I won't judge.

Thanks for reading!

~Aurora


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